Life

The last few months have been crazy. We inseminated, found out we were
pregnant, and then had a miscarriage. After we inseminated we truly thought
that we were not pregnant because we thought we did it too soon. But 14 days
later we saw the most exciting word ever "Pregnant". We
tested again the next day the same work popped up! It was amazing,
we were pregnant. We told our family and a few close friends, they were all
very excited for us. TLS cried when we found out, I was in shock. It took us
five tries and although I know that it takes much longer for some couples I
was beginning to get antsy; we were ready to start a family. I think after
that day we became so much closer and connected. We had created something
with love. 


Everything was going well; I was getting nauseous but never threw up. I was
tired but not terribly tired. We had gone to two doctor's appointments, one
to conform and one to do the family history and the blood work. Then we went
on vacation. We did what we love doing, camping! We went fishing, relaxed,
ate a lot, and just had a good time. Then on Wednesday May 11th I started
cramping and then I started spotting. We went to the emergency room and there
we found out that we were only measuring at 6 weeks along and the heart beat
was only around 80. I guess we both knew it was only a matter of time. That
Saturday I started bleeding and the doctor's appointment on Monday confirmed
what we already knew. We were 8 weeks and 3 days along when I started
spotting, we would have not changed anything and we know we will see our baby
in heaven one day. 
I think that we were both blaming ourselves after it happened. We were mad,
hurt, we just did not understand. I was and still am sometimes mad at my
body, I know it just happened and everything happens for a reason. But, I
just sometimes think that something's wrong with me. That I should have done
something different, I still get mad sometimes, but I know we will get
pregnant again. 
We are looking forward to trying again. We know now that we can get pregnant!
And we are excited! We are going to wait one cycle and then try after that.
We are now focusing on us! 
In other news I just graduated with my Bachelors degree. I am so excited and
I start my Masters in a few days. My degree is in Business Administration
with a concentration in Health Care Management. I never thought that I would
graduate, but TLS supported me every step of the way. She is amazing and by
far the best thing that has ever happened to me. 

Sad Stuff

We had a miscarriage a little more then a month ago. I am sorry it has taken me so long to post. Its just been a hard and sad time. We are slowly getting better and are looking forward to starting this process again soon. I will keep you all updated.

JAKS

Good Stuff

We are Pregnant! More to follow very soon. I promise I will start doing better!

Praying

So sorry for my lack of blogging! I have been a major slacker and will try to
do better in the future. So much has happened since I last blogged!
We went to DC and had sooo much fun! I love going on little get aways with my
TLS because we get just the right amount of fun and relaxation. We saw so
much history and it brought so much emotion to both of us. I would like to go
there again one day to see more! My only tip for people who are thinking
about going is, don't worry about going to the National Aquarium. 
Friday February the 25th was the day! It was suppose to be the 26th but after
some discussing of issues, some research, and tears we did it on Friday. We
are now in day 6th of this emotional roller costar and I hope it has a happy
ending. This TWW is nowhere near as bad as the last one! Thank goodness. I
also have some training Thursday-Sunday that will keep me busy and will get
me to day 10 of 14!  We will take the pregnancy test March 11th! I hope and pray
that it says "Pregnant". Please pray for us!

Sunrise

Day 2 of my period, blah. We had a few extremely emotional days but we are doing much better now and we are excited about this upcoming cycle. We will try again at home this cycle and I can’t wait. Trying at home is so intimate and perfect.

Other than that, a new term started on Sunday and I am trying to get all four projects that are due this week completed by tomorrow night. It might happen, but I am not sure yet. I do not want to have to worry about homework when we are in DC! This might be out last get away before becoming pregnant! We are both super excited about this trip and we just know that we are going to have loads of fun.

Work is going well; everyone is in a good mood this week because of Valentine’s Day. I guess everyone feels loved. One of my friends (you know who you are!) suggested that she should bring a flower in everyday for one of our grumpy coworkers! I think that is a great idea because this has been by far the best week for her ever. After tomorrow I will have five days off in a row and that makes me very happy.

JAKS

Try, Try Again

AWW! Bad news today! I took a pregnancy test today. It read “Not Pregnant”. I was emotional on an off all day. I cried a few times and my eyes are a little watery while I am typing this. I just have to remember that it will happen when it’s supposed to. I want this so bad for us! So, just keep praying for us. 

How Much Longer?

This wait is really terrible. I wish we could just know right away. It would be much better that way. There would be no second guessing yourself, no thinking that you are crazy, no day dreaming at the most inappropriate times, and you could just focus on next time. Instead I am doing all those things and wondering about next month. I know this is life, but I choose not to like it.

 So I have finished a book on my Kindle. It was great. I love that thing and it allows me to take my mind off things. I am pretty sure TLS has used hers for about 45 minutes so far. She does keep it changed by the bed in case she decides to have a Kindle marathon. As you all know we bought a Pop up Camper! So exciting, it is too cold to go camping right now, but we will soon. Now we don't have to worry about putting a tent up. The guy we bought it from gave us a lesson on how to take it down. He was a real sweet older gentleman and I thought for a second that he was going to cry when he was saying good bye to it. I hope Tina and I have as much fun using that thing as they did.  

 A few more days left! I am going crazy, but I know everything will be
ok. 

JAKS