Life

The last few months have been crazy. We inseminated, found out we were
pregnant, and then had a miscarriage. After we inseminated we truly thought
that we were not pregnant because we thought we did it too soon. But 14 days
later we saw the most exciting word ever "Pregnant". We
tested again the next day the same work popped up! It was amazing,
we were pregnant. We told our family and a few close friends, they were all
very excited for us. TLS cried when we found out, I was in shock. It took us
five tries and although I know that it takes much longer for some couples I
was beginning to get antsy; we were ready to start a family. I think after
that day we became so much closer and connected. We had created something
with love. 


Everything was going well; I was getting nauseous but never threw up. I was
tired but not terribly tired. We had gone to two doctor's appointments, one
to conform and one to do the family history and the blood work. Then we went
on vacation. We did what we love doing, camping! We went fishing, relaxed,
ate a lot, and just had a good time. Then on Wednesday May 11th I started
cramping and then I started spotting. We went to the emergency room and there
we found out that we were only measuring at 6 weeks along and the heart beat
was only around 80. I guess we both knew it was only a matter of time. That
Saturday I started bleeding and the doctor's appointment on Monday confirmed
what we already knew. We were 8 weeks and 3 days along when I started
spotting, we would have not changed anything and we know we will see our baby
in heaven one day. 
I think that we were both blaming ourselves after it happened. We were mad,
hurt, we just did not understand. I was and still am sometimes mad at my
body, I know it just happened and everything happens for a reason. But, I
just sometimes think that something's wrong with me. That I should have done
something different, I still get mad sometimes, but I know we will get
pregnant again. 
We are looking forward to trying again. We know now that we can get pregnant!
And we are excited! We are going to wait one cycle and then try after that.
We are now focusing on us! 
In other news I just graduated with my Bachelors degree. I am so excited and
I start my Masters in a few days. My degree is in Business Administration
with a concentration in Health Care Management. I never thought that I would
graduate, but TLS supported me every step of the way. She is amazing and by
far the best thing that has ever happened to me.